her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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