Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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