Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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