had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
even my farts smell like vagina
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
