bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
