Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
