They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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