He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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