I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
