Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
