omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
