Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
