forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
