no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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