How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
