i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
