I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
