im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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