i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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