Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
