beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
