Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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