my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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