WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
