After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
