Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
