I bet he comes in French.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize