It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Sorry my hands just texted you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
