at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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