Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
