dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
NoShamevember. You game?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
