In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
