Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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