i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You are the jesus of drinking
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
