you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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