Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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