i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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