very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i now understand why vodka
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
