Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
