omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
