If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
