I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
