New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
