we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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