Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
