I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
