Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
