he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
