Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
