My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
