She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
