why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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