Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
