Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
