I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also, beer. Big fan.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
